Written for the CATESOl Newsletter (California Teachers of English to Speakers of Other Languages)
I am drawing a blank. One of those times when I am not finding the direction of something to write. Usually I hear a podcast, read an article, or am mindful of something going on in me or in other teachers that seems noteworthy. Perhaps this is the theme –I don’t know and being ok with that, trusting that something will arise before the deadline - or not. I am more committed these days to less perfectionism, to less is more and being more gentle with not knowing. “…not your aims or your actions are primary, but the state of consciousness out of which they come.” Eckhart Tolle.
I am drawing a blank. One of those times when I am not finding the direction of something to write. Usually I hear a podcast, read an article, or am mindful of something going on in me or in other teachers that seems noteworthy. Perhaps this is the theme –I don’t know and being ok with that, trusting that something will arise before the deadline - or not. I am more committed these days to less perfectionism, to less is more and being more gentle with not knowing. “…not your aims or your actions are primary, but the state of consciousness out of which they come.” Eckhart Tolle.
So my state of consciousness is paying attention to my ‘being’ so I can ‘do’ this article. Research is actually providing evidence on how we pay attention can change our lives, biology and brains. I just attended a three day workshop on Mindfulness and Compassion. Paul Gilbert said “Learn to practice each day: remind oneself of the self one would like to be or become today – train to become the self one wants to be.” So training ourselves to be self-compassionate, to be aware of our experiences as they arise is something that I want to continue to practice. We train for so many things – why not train to be a compassionate, self-aware person who then goes out and teaches, runs meetings and does all of the things one does in a day with an internal state of increased peace and well-being. Joan Halifax said that we are rushing toward peace rather than being peace.
Not knowing can bring about a range of feelings from fear to excitement. In the same situation I can feel exhilarated because I don’t know. For example I continue to find excitement with teaching and therapy. With enough structure in place, objectives, and ideas I can let go and enjoy not knowing what is really going to happen. There is a freshness that is spontaneous, creative, and in the moment. However, at other times I feel fear when doing a workshop or speaking in front of people. The ‘not knowing’ scares me. The anticipation of doing this new activity somehow still produces unpleasant sensations in my body for which I have yet to find an antidote.
So this is the last day to turn in this article. It has been an experiment of relaxing into not knowing, trusting that something will arise. I never quite cottoned on to a theme, or topic, however, except not knowing and learning to be ok with that. Perhaps that is good enough.
Not knowing can bring about a range of feelings from fear to excitement. In the same situation I can feel exhilarated because I don’t know. For example I continue to find excitement with teaching and therapy. With enough structure in place, objectives, and ideas I can let go and enjoy not knowing what is really going to happen. There is a freshness that is spontaneous, creative, and in the moment. However, at other times I feel fear when doing a workshop or speaking in front of people. The ‘not knowing’ scares me. The anticipation of doing this new activity somehow still produces unpleasant sensations in my body for which I have yet to find an antidote.
So this is the last day to turn in this article. It has been an experiment of relaxing into not knowing, trusting that something will arise. I never quite cottoned on to a theme, or topic, however, except not knowing and learning to be ok with that. Perhaps that is good enough.
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